I have always said that if appropriate evidence presents itself, I will change my mind about the existence of God. Well… gentle readers, you should be the first to know: I’ve seen the evidence, and I am no longer an atheist. Jesus has proven himself to me beyond any reasonable doubt. He put his face on a Walmart receipt.
No. Really! He put his face on a Walmart receipt. God, in his infinite wisdom and mercy, chose Gentry Lee Sutherland and her fiancée, Jacob Simmons, as the agents of change for my life. Previously just a couple of nobodies from Nowhere, South Carolina, they’re now missionaries for Christ all over the internet.
The thing that really shook me was something Gentry said:
“People are going to believe what they want to believe… There’s tons of people who will say, ‘Oh, we’re in the Bible Belt,’ but here’s my question to the doubters, who else has the power to put their face on a check-out receipt but Jesus?”
Well… yeah. How’s that for a kick in the teeth? She’s right. If an image appears on something it shouldn’t ordinarily be on, it must mean that thing exists, and is a god.
Unfortunately, this is causing some problems for me. You see, I spent the last week on vacation at the beach, and I had a lot of time to sit and look at clouds. And you wouldn’t believe the number of things I saw in clouds. So now I believe in all of them, too:
Michael Jackson:
Apollo. I think…
A giant bunny rabbit:
Incidentally, just a few moments before I started writing this entry, I saw another picture that convinced me there’s a giant pizza dough god spinning himself on mountains:
So… I’ve got a lot of sorting out to do. I will probably not find much time to write anymore, since the hundreds of gods I now believe in probably all want some sort of tribute and worship from me, and it’s going to take a long time to figure it all out.
And while I’m on the subject of gods and worship and all that, thank Jesus he’s got his priorities straight! He took time out from his busy schedule (mostly taken up with not helping any of the millions of starving children in Africa) to send a little photo of himself to a couple of country bumpkins from South Carolina. If he hadn’t done that, then… um…
Well… something bad would have happened, for sure.
At the very least, I probably would have continued writing atheist propaganda, and become the most famous atheist blogger in the world. And everyone would have converted to atheism. And then Hitler would have risen from his grave, renounced his Catholicism, and become an atheist. And taken over the world. With Sadaam Hussein as his henchman. And also Satan.
And also, monkeys might fly out of my butt.
Related articles
- Jesus Receipt Stuns Walmart Shoppers (inquisitr.com)
- Jesus in a Walmart receipt (holykaw.alltop.com)
- Couple See Christ’s Face on Walmart Receipt; EEEEEEEE!!! (slog.thestranger.com)
I think it looks more like Charles Manson…and I’m pretty sure he’s real!
Posted by Greg Neal | July 23, 2011, 11:50 amProof that walmart is obviously a godly enterprise eh? lol
Posted by Zombie | July 23, 2011, 12:21 pmWill the receipt still be valid if they want to return whatever it was they bought? And if so, who gets to keep it? I thank Jesus for giving us such worthwhile things to think about.
Posted by Dean Forsyth | July 23, 2011, 4:00 pmGorgeous article, Mr (Mrs, Ms?) Life-Without-a-Net.
I have long been convinced of the very limited effectiveness of attempts to use reason or empirical evidence to counter notions that are inherently silly.
Humour would seem to be a far more appropriate and powerful tool.
I suspect that the efforts of such as, for instance, the Monty Python team, Penn and Teller, Tim Minchin are much more likely to dispell superstitious beliefs than rants by, say, Richard Dawkins.
But enough of this, I have to get back to sacrificing assorted animals to ensure my well-being and entry to paradise.
Posted by Peter G Kinnon | July 23, 2011, 8:19 pmyou have captured really lovely photos of creation
Posted by miriam | July 29, 2011, 3:49 am