The Vagina Clown Car Movement* is making the news again. On NPR, there’s a story highlighting several people involved in the effort to turn otherwise normal vaginas into Clown Cars for Jesus. Kelly Swanson is a 40 year old woman with seven children… and she wants more, despite the fact that they’re fending off poverty as it is.
If they didn’t raise their own food, Kelly Swanson says, they’d spend $1,000 a month on groceries for her gaggle of growing children, including 15-year-old Josiah and 13-year-old Elisha. But in listing their ages, Kelly gets Elisha’s age wrong.
“At least I remembered your name,” she says.
I don’t want to be overly reactionionary about this, but there’s something really disturbing to me about this. I can’t quite put my finger on what, but if I figure it out, I’ll certainly let my readers know. Parents forget their children’s ages sometimes, but I wonder how a child feels about being told she’s lucky her mom remembers her name…
Kelly and her husband, Jeff, didn’t want children. However, as they continued to be brainwashed and indoctrinated into their particular version of insanity, they decided that an invisible man in the sky wanted them to have as many children as possible. Their own wants and needs were not important.
So, like good little sheep, they popped out seven kids, and are trying to have more. They live on less than fifty thousand dollars a year, and have had to start growing their own food and raising their own livestock to be able to avoid the poor house.
Oh… and at their church, the average family has 8.5 kids. They’re trying to catch up.
Nancy Campbell, a prominent leader in the Vagina Clown Car Movement, puts things succinctly. “The womb is such a powerful weapon; it’s a weapon against the enemy.” Nancy has 35 grandchildren, and she wishes she had more. She and her husband only had six children, and she feels ashamed for having so few clowns pop out of her vagina. “I think, help! Imagine if we had had more of these children!” Campbell says, adding, “My greatest impact is through my children. The more children I have, the more ability I have to impact the world for God.”
The story goes on to speak of another couple who decided to stop having children when they were twenty three and were already parents of four. The man had a vasectomy, but came to regret his decision to control his own fertility. Thanks to a ministry that was formed specifically to find doctors to provide cheap vasectomy reversals, this family is now free to breed until they can’t breed anymore — and that’s exactly what they intend to do.
One of the biggest problems I’m having in trying to address the Vagina Clown Car Movement is that I can’t really think of anything to say. It is mind boggling to me that anyone could look at this and see anything but the most mind-numbingly selfish and absurdly misguided movement ever. Apparently, though, there are still people out there who would defend the rights of people to subject the world to not only their own stupidity being multiplied exponentially through the generations, but also to actively promote an ecological disaster.
What else can we say? The only responsible thing is to vehemently oppose this movement in every way we can think of. They’re fucking up my planet, and they’re doing it on purpose. These people are deserving of scorn, ridicule, and public embarrassment for their stupidity. I do not believe that everyone deserves respect, so if you do, we’ll just have to disagree. Respect, in my book, is earned, and these people have not earned respect. In the real world, we are judged by our actions, and their actions are attrociously irresponsible, ignorant and wrong-headed.
I don’t know how else to say how incredibly wrong this is, and how incredibly angry it makes me.
* Technically, it’s called the Quiverfull Movement, but I refuse to dignify it with a respectful name.