All the talk of “Game” and “Pickup Artistry” has me a little down. I feel like the foundation of Game is misunderstood. A lot of people immediately turn off when they hear that someone practices Game. Girls automatically think he’s just sampling all the goods at the local Pump n’ Dump Diner. Nearly everybody thinks of him as a “gimmick.” There’s a general consensus that Game is confined to bars and clubs, and that all it’s good for is casual sex.
It’s definitely true that there are Pump n’ Dump Gamers out there, and that a lot of them are just interested in random tail. But I want to take two steps back from that and look at the foundation of Game, which is essentially just applied psychology. Women are evolutionarily programmed to get tingly in the special spot when certain conditions are met. Game is a pop-psych attempt to generalize these conditions and teach men how to manipulate the environment such that women get that tingly feeling. And generally it works because it’s a good approximation of real psychology in a lot of ways.
But let’s take “Game” out of it for just a moment. Let’s just imagine a guy who behaves in a way that makes lots of women want him. We don’t really even have to describe what he does or why he does it. This guy just walks through life wearing a Vagina Magnet Suit. Now, suppose that our man finds a woman he loves who also loves him back. The two of them do the courtship dance, consummate their love, and decide to continue consummating it for the foreseeable future.
Question: Now that our man has chosen from the dozens of women who’d like to ride the pony, how should he behave towards her? Should he continue to walk through life with the same Vagina Magnet Suit he wore, or should he go into the closet and pull out the Whatever Makes You Happy Dear Suit?
I submit that he should continue wearing the Vagina Magnet Suit. Or, to put it in plain language, he should continue behaving the way he behaved when she fell in love with him. Women generally don’t fall in love with athletic figures or blue eyes. They fall in love with senses of humor, boldness, aggressiveness, confidence, dependability, and a host of other patterns of behavior. They don’t get wet looking at random guys with erect penises. They get wet when a particular guy behaves in a way that turns them on. Women love that feeling. They love being turned on. They want it on a regular basis.
Let me backtrack for a minute. I wrote a post a while ago about the definition of love. In it, I described love as a process of evolving feelings and behaviors. This is the crucial point. Long term love is best described as a decision to behave lovingly for the foreseeable future. When we love someone, we commit to making their wants and needs part of our wants and needs. We give them what we know they want.
Ok… enough digression. We have all the puzzle pieces we need to re-examine Game in the context of relationships. Let’s redefine Game as a basic set of skills. Men with Game have the ability to consciously behave in a way that makes women feel sexually attracted to them. The behaviors themselves don’t really matter. What matters is how they make women feel.
Now, let’s just state it simply: If a man with Game falls in love with a girl who succumbed to his Game, it is a loving decision to continue to Game her so that she continues to feel sexually attracted to him. Many men, myself included, sometimes fall victim to the blame game when it comes to waning passion in a relationship. We prattle on and on about how it’s a woman’s responsibility to put out once she’s committed to a long term relationship. Sex is how women can best display love to men.
There’s certainly truth to this. Sex is to men as flowers, candy, romance, back rubs, and hours of nodding politely while listening to the day’s problems are to women. But there’s another fundamental relationship truth: Sex is better for everybody when the woman wants to do it as opposed to when she does it out of obligation. A man who continues to Game his girl is doing both of them a favor. He’s making it easier for her to do what he wants.
So what of all the internet chatter: “If a man learns Game and goes out and practices it, is he really being himself, or is he pretending to be someone else?” Honestly… what a bunch of pony pucks! Let’s just ask it another way. Suppose a guy has no game. If he plods through life and finds a girl who’s reasonably good looking, and has a decent enough sex drive, and behaves well enough towards him that he figures he’s done as well as he can do, is he being himself? Yep. Now, suppose the same guy learns Game, gets a very good looking girl with a high sex drive, and figures she’s the best he can do. Does he suddenly become someone else if he continues to behave in ways that turn her on?
How about if we just call it what it is. If you’re asking the question, you’re trying to find a way to be lazy and still get everything you want. No, you’re not “becoming someone else” by continuing to practice game as part of a loving relationship. You’re doing the same thing you’re asking of your girl — putting out regularly. Forget this nonsense of your “true identity.” Just make a new neural connection. “Putting Out” is a gender specific term. For girls, it means having sex. For guys, it means Gaming your girl so that she wants to have sex. Stop thinking of Game as some sort of external system of getting casual sex. Think of it as behaving intelligently in a way that your girl likes. Stop thinking of your “true self” and think of it like you would anything else — If I behave this way, I get that thing. Do I want that thing enough to behave in this way? If so, then think of “Gaming” as part of your contribution to a loving relationship. It’s not dishonest or manipulative. It’s just giving her what she wants and getting what you want. It’s ok. I promise.