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Atheism, human nature

Anti-Gay: Self-Loath Much?

This list of anti-gay activists caught being gay is depressing to me.  But maybe not for the reasons you would suspect.  I’m going to do the standard disclaimer:  Yes.  I’m mad that so many hateful people go so far out of their way to make life difficult for gays.  I loathe the anti-gay agenda and the religions that foster it.

But I feel really sorry for a lot of these folks.

Richard Curtis, it’s ok for you to wear a red negligee and have sex with a man.  It’s ok.  There’s nothing wrong with you for having those desires.  You’re human, and some human males are attracted to other males.  It’s a shame that you grew up shaped by the religious agenda and the myth that homosexuality is evil.  I wonder what sort of things you grew up hearing.  Did you hear that gays were dirty immoral perverts?  That they chose to be the way they are out of rebellion from God?

I wonder what it feels like for you when you secretly act out your desires.  Is it like when I was a teenager and felt guilty for masturbating?  It was awful.  Every day I would tell myself I’d resist the urge.  And then I’d do it anyway.  Then I’d feel guilty.  Unworthy.  Not good enough or strong enough to be a righteous person.  Sub-human, even.  After all, humans have brains big enough to do what they know is right, and I can’t stop doing this… so…

Self-loathing is tough, isn’t it?  

Ted Haggard Top 10 Anti-Gay Activists Caught Being Gay People

Poor Ted.  Standing in the pulpit for so many years, screaming at his flock about the evils of homosexuality.  The whole time, knowing deep inside that he was pointing four fingers back at himself.  Knowing that later on, maybe even the same day, he’d see his fuck buddy Mike, and that he’d be enjoying the surge of endorphins from another man performing oral sex on him.

I’m inclined to believe that poor Ted believes what he preaches.  He thinks homosexuals are evil.  He thinks he is evil.  So he’s uniquely qualified to hate others who are like him.  So he hates them with a passion.

Glenn Murphy Jr. Top 10 Anti-Gay Activists Caught Being Gay People

Poor Glenn.  If he hadn’t been raised by Republican Christians to believe that he was evil, he’d be able to perform oral sex on men to his heart’s content, and he wouldn’t be going to jail for doing it in the dead of night while the recipients were asleep.

Glenn, it’s ok that you like performing oral sex on men.  Nothing wrong with you.  Not a thing.  It’s perfectly normal, and it’s sad that you hate your sex drive so much that you have to do it in secret.  It’s shameful that our society has forced you to either deny who you are or wear your sexual identity like a blazing scarlet A.

Speaking of Scarlet A…

I’m sorry for all the pastors who have to keep up appearances when they don’t believe.  I wonder how it must feel to know that you’ve been trapped in a culture and a life you don’t believe in, but not have the internal strength to tell your closest friends and family what you really think.

It’s such a sad circle.  True believers act out their self-loathing and direct it towards new generations of self-loathers.  Meanwhile, the people who would like to help and don’t buy into the hate are trapped by  it just as surely as those who do believe.

It’s a lot nicer over here.  You don’t have to hate yourself.  You can come to parties with the guy you’d really like to have on your arm instead of the girl you were forced to marry.  (I feel sad for her, too.  Especially if she suspects…)  We won’t judge you for being who you are.  We’ll celebrate with you on your anniversaries.  We’ll go to karaoke.  You bring your boyfriend, I’ll bring my girlfriend, and it’ll be just like the parties you’ve been to before, but you won’t have to pretend, or worry that someone will say the wrong thing to the wrong person.  You can just be you.

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Discussion

2 thoughts on “Anti-Gay: Self-Loath Much?

  1. “It’s a lot nicer over here. You don’t have to hate yourself. You can come to parties with the guy you’d really like to have on your arm instead of the girl you were forced to marry. (I feel sad for her, too. Especially if she suspects…) We won’t judge you for being who you are. We’ll celebrate with you on your anniversaries. We’ll go to karaoke. You bring your boyfriend, I’ll bring my girlfriend, and it’ll be just like the parties you’ve been to before, but you won’t have to pretend, or worry that someone will say the wrong thing to the wrong person. You can just be you.”

    This is a very good thing. It’s not exclusive to atheists, but definitely more common. My partner and I swing dance with a number of people that adhere to various faiths, and during one of our dances a guy graced us with his presence and exclaimed how he would never dance with a guy like that (referring to me and my partner). Some other inaudible things were said, and he was escorted out by the organizers.

    I know one of them is Catholic, which is troubling, because it’s such an oppressive institution. In Minnesota they deny one of their holy rites to practitioners that support marriage equality.* I really wish they would stop supporting institutions that insist on having beliefs that they don’t actually believe in! I go through this struggle with my mother and father. My mother attends marriage equality rallies with us, but then goes to church every Sunday and tithes. She said if our NYS archdiocese acted like the Minnesota one she would reduce her tithe to $1 in protest, but I’m not sure how much that helps. She’s also open to my criticisms of Christianity, and understands them. I swear she’d quit if it weren’t for the social pressures. I’ve even taken to introducing her to other Christian sects that are as discriminatory (e.g., Episcopalians).

    My father seems to be a lost cause. Refuses to have his religion criticized, and displays a fear of me and my partner when we are together. Barely tolerable of our presence. He’s seems to be afraid of social stigma.

    * – http://joemygod.blogspot.com/2010/10/minnesota-catholic-archbishop-denies.html

    Posted by mkandefer | October 6, 2010, 1:22 pm
  2. I think we should stop hating ourselves, and just start hating everybody else.

    Posted by cptpineapple | October 6, 2010, 2:38 pm

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