If you recall, I have been invited to go to a big time apologetics conference. I’ll be leaving tomorrow, and will be doing my best to get into as many conversations with as many big names as possible. Hopefully I’ll have time to blog about my experience in fairly real time, but if I am a day or two behind, I hope you’ll forgive me and chalk it up to exhaustion.
I figured it’s a good idea to give the god idea a fighting chance from the beginning, so I’ve devised a simple experiment. A couple of weeks ago, I cracked my IPhone like nobody’s business.
That’s not my Iphone. I couldn’t figure out how to use my Iphone to take a picture of my Iphone’s front side. But mine looks a lot like this. A little worse, actually.
I’ve got an appointment for screen repair tomorrow at 11 AM. Then I’m off to Charlotte. If god wants me to really jump on the bandwagon, I’m giving him an easy in. I’ll make sure that my phone is on my person all day today, and will sleep with it tucked under my pillow tonight. Nobody will have a way to get to it. And certainly nobody will have the time to actually repair the thing without my knowledge.
If I wake up tomorrow and my IPhone screen looks like it just came out of the box, brand new — and this part is important — with the same crooked screen protector still on — I’ll be damn impressed. The screen protector is important. I was feeling cheap and didn’t want to pay the extra $20 to have the store employee put my super duper screen protector on. So I did it myself. And it’s a crappy job. I know exactly where it’s been stretched, and where the bubbles are, and how it’s lying cockeyed. I look at it every day. So I want the god — whoever or whatever it may be — to perform magic on my IPhone and turn my existing broken screen into a new one without taking the screen cover off.
Seems like a small task for a being who supposedly created the whole universe and raised dead people.
Oh, also, I’m going to hold up my end of the bargain. Tonight before I go to sleep, I’m going to say the following prayer with as much sincerity as I can muster:
I do not believe you exist, but I am told that you do. I am also told that you can work magic and do things that are physically impossible. If you are real, I’d like to know the truth, so I’m offering you the chance to prove yourself to me. I am very skeptical by nature, and highly distrustful of my emotions. In order for me to believe, I will need to see something that could not possibly happen by natural means. Surely you can understand that I cannot help being the way I am, and if you can read my thoughts, as I’ve been told, then you know I will be unable to believe you exist without a supernatural demonstration.
So, I’m asking you to fix my Iphone. Specifically, I’d like you to repair my screen while leaving my screen protector exactly where it sits now. By all means I can think of, this ought to be physically impossible. If you perform this magic for me before my repair appointment tomorrow, I will believe that you exist.
To prove that I’m not after personal gain from this, if you perform this miracle for me, I’ll donate the cost of the repair — $99 plus tax — to the organization of your choice. It would be helpful if you’d leave me a text message or a note stating which church is the correct one.
Any theists reading this, I’d like to encourage you to also pray to whatever god you believe in. If we pray to as many gods as possible, maybe we’ll hit the right one. I really hope he leaves me a note with his true identity. It would really suck if I knew there was a god but still had to figure out which god it was…