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Theist Wackiness

Biblical Absurdity of the Day

Ok… I don’t have a real “Biblical Absurdity of the Day” post, but this is absurd, and I’m posting it today.  So it counts.

Deuteronomy 25:11-12 (New International Version)

11 If two men are fighting and the wife of one of them comes to rescue her husband from his assailant, and she reaches out and seizes him by his private parts, 12 you shall cut off her hand. Show her no pity.
There are a few things about this I find absurd.  First, this was apparently some kind of epidemic problem if someone thought it was necessary not only to make a law about it, but to impose such a severe punishment!  What in the world was going on with those crazy Hebrew women, racing about stopping fights by grabbing at their husband’s testicles??
Second, what the hell was God thinking?  These laws were all handed down straight from the will of God to the pen of the scribe, right?  This was the Old Testament Covenant, which Jesus may or may not have eradicated, depending on which of his conflicting statements you believe.  So…
I’m honestly at a loss.  What possible state of affairs could have existed in the world such that commanding women’s hands to be severed was the most good and just thing God could think of to solve the problem?


7 thoughts on “Biblical Absurdity of the Day

  1. I think she was grabbing who husbands assailant, not her husband. How would grabbing her husband rescue him?

    Posted by Mike | February 4, 2011, 12:51 am
  2. You’d think God would have been a little more specific. You might be right. I had an image of an angry wife grabbing her husband’s nutsack and dragging him back to the hut with an appropriately irate epithet and a lecture about the bad example he’s setting for his seventeen sons.

    I prefer my interpretation.

    Posted by hambydammit | February 4, 2011, 12:59 am
  3. What I find odd about this is how the verse directly references “private parts”. It’s fairly common for the Old Testament writers to use the feet or the thigh as a euphemism for the genitals, and here’s the Deuteronomist coming right out there and saying in no uncertain terms “DON’T TOUCH THE JUNK!”

    That being said, when you’re living in the desert and in a pre-trousered world, I have to imagine that everybody was hanging pretty low and therefore, was easily accessible. Their feet, I mean.

    Posted by Clint | February 4, 2011, 8:41 am
  4. That is indeed an absurd verse.

    The wife should already have her husband’s balls in her purse.

    Posted by cptpineapple | February 5, 2011, 5:22 am
  5. The wife should already have her husband’s balls in her purse.

    Off with her hand!

    Posted by Ian | February 6, 2011, 4:28 pm
  6. I can only imagine that the offended man wanted to put a stop to this sort of thing, but thought the hand itself showed potential.

    Posted by murr brewster | February 7, 2011, 1:57 am
  7. The following stanza adds to the confusion.

    13Shall thou wife tongue punch the fart box of thy oppressor 14she shall be giveth to the sheep for such is the way.

    Posted by Skronk | February 8, 2011, 8:44 am

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