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Christianity

The Dangers of Gay Marriage

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12 thoughts on “The Dangers of Gay Marriage

  1. Posted by cptpineapple | April 11, 2011, 12:49 am
  2. I sent the pie chart to my brother (a gay Christian) and he thought it was brilliant!!

    My personal opinion is that we shouldn’t attempt to make the Church alter it’s stance on marriage. Instead we should just shun it altogether and make sure gay people have the same legal rights to civil ceremonies as straight couples. Speaking from the UK I think this is feasible. I guess it’s not quite as straight forward in the US.

    Posted by Jeremy | April 11, 2011, 8:14 am
  3. Thanks, Jeremy. I agree with you. As long as the church doesn’t have the ability to override the rule of law (as Sharia courts often do) then I think they should voluntarily enforce whatever they believe in. In other words, if St. Bigot of Repressedville Catholic Church doesn’t believe in gay marriage, then their priest should be free to forbid the gays in the flock from marrying. But…. and this is very important… they should be able to go to a justice of the peace and get married if they decide they disagree with their priest.

    That’s really the crux of the matter for us non-believers. We’re actually on the side of religious people to believe and practice what they want so long as it stays out of law. We want the option to disagree with religious authorities and do whatever we believe in, too. And just like I could start a private club where membership was contingent on giving up caffeine, and enforce standards of behavior on my members, churches should be able to enforce their beliefs on their followers. It’s got to be voluntary, though.

    Posted by hambydammit | April 11, 2011, 2:38 pm
  4. We would have to make caffeine into out god, why we dont drink it, then we could build a tax deductible treehouse for our meetings.

    Posted by Fey | April 12, 2011, 4:41 am
  5. …our god…

    Posted by Fey | April 12, 2011, 4:42 am
  6. I am not gay. Nor do I understand why some people are gay. From a scientific standpoint I would love to know why, however, I have bigger battles to choose than that which will never affect me. I think legal marriage is ridiculous amongst gay, heterosexuals, polygamists. Why does anyone need to be married…ever?! With most couples divorcing in less than 7 years, and costing far more than most weddings, where is the joy?
    The tradition of marriage has long surpassed our society now. We no longer need to marry off our daughters to good men (especially as so few exist, are gay, or addicted to having internet sex with 15 year old Malaysian children) for the dowry. No one cares anymore about pregnancy out of wedlock, nor who is the father….or if the mother even knows.
    So what is the big deal about marriage, gay or not? Why would anyone want to subject themselves to a tradition that boasts religious rhetoric at a sacrificial alter, celebrating the acquisition of property?
    Men are not faithful, nor have they ever been, and women find that prince charming is really a toad with incurable warts. We seem to have this fantastical drive towards couple hood that rarely works. I think it’s great that we keep trying, as there is nothing better than the feelings of fresh romantic love, but it is a rare thing, unlike the diamond that supposedly symbolizes commitment.
    So keep trying, move in, move out, love, fight, have lots of sex, do all the wonderful and tragic things that couples do, but there is no need for marriage of any kind. Furthermore, there is absolutely no benefit unless you have a very good divorce attorney.

    Posted by Nonya | April 12, 2011, 10:01 am
  7. Nor do I understand why some people are gay. From a scientific standpoint I would love to know why, however, I have bigger battles to choose than that which will never affect me.

    The answers aren’t complete, but we do know a lot. It’s in the genes, but no, there’s not a “gay gene.” It’s more complicated than that. But, it’s worth knowing that homosexuality, bisexuality, pansexuality, masturbation, oral sex, anal sex, orgies, sex toys, and just about anything else you can think of are not just human inventions. Virtually anything you can think of that humans do sexually, some other animals do it. If humans were exclusively monogamous and heterosexual, it would be scientifically extraordinary.

    Why does anyone need to be married…ever?! With most couples divorcing in less than 7 years, and costing far more than most weddings, where is the joy?

    The standard answer is children and property. But these things are just a few strokes of a legislative pen away from being solvable without traditional marriage. Marriage is necessary because we make it necessary. And that’s the only reason I can think of.

    So what is the big deal about marriage, gay or not? Why would anyone want to subject themselves to a tradition that boasts religious rhetoric at a sacrificial alter, celebrating the acquisition of property?

    The non-cynical answer is that marriage still has meaning beyond the historical. For many people, it is a public and private affirmation of the intention to be faithful and stay together and raise a family together. It need not involve property or “acquisition.” (Though I notice that few of these marriages also include a pre-nup eschewing the acquisition of property…)

    The more cynical answer is that humans generally prefer to toe the party line than rock the boat. (Am I mixing enough metaphors?) Given the choice between pissing off the parents, the girlfriend/boyfriend, his/her parents, the church, the PTA association, and every employer who offers health insurance, or just sucking it up and getting married, most people will get married. Furthermore, marriage is marketed very well. It’s a rare woman who’s face doesn’t display a slight green hue during a diamond ring commercial. Women love the idea of a man being there for the long haul, and nurturing the children, and barbecuing for the in-laws. And that’s how Hallmark and Disney and everybody else markets marriage.

    Men are not faithful, nor have they ever been, and women find that prince charming is really a toad with incurable warts. We seem to have this fantastical drive towards couple hood that rarely works.

    To be fair, women aren’t faithful either. And it’s often argued by relationship “gurus” that women price themselves out of the market looking for only the best Prince Charming, which pretty much translates to a guy who can have any girl he wants. Which usually means that he will.

    It’s a mess, to be sure.

    So keep trying, move in, move out, love, fight, have lots of sex, do all the wonderful and tragic things that couples do, but there is no need for marriage of any kind. Furthermore, there is absolutely no benefit unless you have a very good divorce attorney.

    Should I ever grow into a curmudgeon with long gray hairs shooting from both ears, and if I should compile a list of “advice for young men,” I will include this item:

    47. Never, ever, ever get married for emotional reasons alone. Get married if, and ONLY IF, marriage adds a tangible, quantifiable resource to your life.

    In principle, I’m not anti-marriage. It’s worked for a lot of people. And it is part of our culture, for better or worse. But I am generally opposed to exposing oneself to risk that isn’t necessary, and as they say, “If it ain’t broke, don’t go tinkering with it.” If the relationship is awesome without marriage, don’t go tinkering with it.

    Thanks for the comments!

    Posted by hambydammit | April 12, 2011, 10:40 am
  8. Hamby,
    I perpetually enjoy your writing style, wit and intellect. You are so right in calling me on the fact that women aren’t always faithful either. I’ve yet to be unfaithful, and though it is highly unlikely, never is a long time.
    Also agreed, many young women have a Cinderella complex. In the event I compile such a list, I’ll include number 47 as well…with your permission of course!

    Posted by Nonya | April 12, 2011, 8:29 pm
  9. Thanks, Nonya. And thanks again for moving from lurker to commenter status 🙂 Comments are to bloggers as flowers are to women. It’s just nice to get them from time to time.

    I suspect that the “epidemic” of cheating has its roots in a number of areas, both in human nature and culture. The Cinderella complex has to be part of it. Men who have access to lots of available women (especially young, attractive women) are just going to cheat. Not all of them, of course, but enough that we might as well expect it. I suspect if we took a poll of sports star multimillionaires, (where they had to tell the truth) we’d be appalled by the percentage who stray at least once. And these days, a lot of women insist on snagging a guy who — while he might not be a millionaire — has plenty of sex appeal and charm. And these things translate to enough available women to increase the chance of cheating significantly.

    It’s a damned if you do, damned if you don’t kind of thing. A woman has every right to desire a desirable man. And who’s to tell her she shouldn’t expect fidelity if that’s what a guy has promised. And frankly, if she plays too far under her level, she is likely to tire of her man, which means she won’t have sex with him enough, which means he is more likely to cheat.

    Since you’re a regular reader, you know I’m not a big believer in long term exclusive monogamy. But I can’t say I have a great answer for everybody, either. Committed non-monogamy is very difficult, and non-committed non-monogamy isn’t very fulfilling in the long run. Everybody wants someone special, and the choices are usually exclusivity or hit the road, Jack.

    I think a lot of people settle for something in between. They become serial monogamists, which accomplishes some of both competing goals — they have “special people” in their lives, and they have multiple sex partners. But again, in the long term, it gets tiring. It’s a real pain to put yourself out there year after year as bits and pieces begin to sag and the bones creak louder after a night of too many martinis.

    Posted by hambydammit | April 12, 2011, 9:08 pm
  10. Oh… nonya…
    Something that might interest you… Among the most common search terms that bring people to my blog: “alternatives to cheating.”
    This gives me the impression that a lot of people are trying to figure out how to either stop cheating or come up with something… anything… to improve their sex lives enough to stay faithful.

    Posted by hambydammit | April 12, 2011, 9:16 pm
  11. Ah, yes, I’m not surprised that is a popular search term. I am fascinated by sex…no I’m not a pervert at least not by any definition I’m aware of. The focus of my master’s degree is in human sexuality. My fascination began as I noticed more and more people having difficulty “connecting” sexually. Both friends and some of my patients would tell me how unhappy they were with their partner(s) but struggled to find ways to alleviate the problem. It seems that despite increases in promiscuity and sexual liberation, most people aren’t any happier. My hypothesis, as discussed ad nauseum on my blog, is that people, despite more technological communication, are not communicating well. They aren’t being honest about what they want whether it be a one nighter or a committed relationship. Perhaps it is because we are so convinced by unrelenting media that we should “be” a lot of things we simply are not.

    Posted by Nonya | April 12, 2011, 11:34 pm
  12. I am fascinated by sex…no I’m not a pervert at least not by any definition I’m aware of.

    I worry about people who aren’t fascinated by sex.

    It seems that despite increases in promiscuity and sexual liberation, most people aren’t any happier.

    It seems that very few people engage in “promiscuity” with either a clean conscience or a positive goal. That is, they’re either cheating on their partners which can’t be very fulfilling, or they’re just using people to “scratch an itch.”

    They aren’t being honest about what they want whether it be a one nighter or a committed relationship. Perhaps it is because we are so convinced by unrelenting media that we should “be” a lot of things we simply are not.

    I agree. We are sold marriage as the All-American Culmination of All Our Hopes and Dreams. When two of our friends have been seeing each other for several years, we pester them to death asking when they’re going to tie the knot. We look at couples who engage in occasional “extramarital adventures” with mutual consent as perverts.

    The more I’m digging into both history and current human sexuality, the more common I’m realizing “creative non-monogamy” is. Just recently, I discovered that a high profile woman has had multiple long time lovers for years. (No, I won’t divulge. She’s very much a going concern, and I don’t do a gossip column.) And this is not to say that non-monogamy is the answer for everyone. I’m sure it’s not. But it IS an answer for some people, and we don’t even have the language for communicating the desire.

    I think that if there is a solution to people’s collective sexual ennui, it is acceptance of the wide variety of mating options available to humans, and an end to the culturally enforced standard of unwavering marital monogamy at all costs. And as you say… simply acknowledging what we are not, and looking for honest, respectable ways to function happily as what we are.

    Posted by hambydammit | April 13, 2011, 2:14 pm

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