you're reading...
Dating Mating Sex and Reproduction

Women Really Do Like Casual Sex

In 1989, scientists published a seminal study into the real differences between men and women’s desire for casual sex.  The findings have been something of a holy grail for those who insist that women only engage in casual sex reluctantly, or as an alternative when other forms of “more satisfying” sex are unavailable.

Forty-eight males and forty-eight females were approached by moderately attractive members of the opposite sex and propositioned for one of the following:  to go out on a date that night;  to come over to the proposer’s apartment that night;  to have sex that night.  The results were strikingly different for males and females.  While approximately half of each sex agreed to a date (How’s that for a defense of the cold approach, guys?), only 6% of women agreed to go to a man’s apartment, and a whopping zero agreed to casual sex.  On the other hand, nearly 70% of men agreed to the apartment visit and 75% agreed to sex.

So men like casual sex more than women, right?

Well… maybe not.  This study was based on the assumption that men and women’s approach to casual sex is the same — that is, that both sexes want precisely the same things, and are attracted to the same things in a prospective casual sex partner.  This has been proven resoundingly and spectacularly wrong.

Furthermore, the researchers assumed that women’s acceptance or rejection of an offer for casual sex would represent their true desire regardless of perceived social repercussions for engaging in such an encounter.  In retrospect, this seems either charmingly naive or downright fraudulent.

Curiously, there’s been precious little continued research into women’s desire for casual sex in light of this unfounded hypothesis.  It’s as if we got the answer we wanted and left it at that for fear of discovering we were wrong.

Researchers at the University of Michigan decided to tackle the subject with an updated foundational hypothesis.  Traditionally, women’s sexual desires have been described as a representation of Sexual Strategies Theory, which asserts that mating behavior is directly related to the desire (conscious or unconscious) to pass genes to the next generation as effectively as possible.  In this framework, the prediction is that women will reject casual sex because of the lack of indicators of long term support and protection for offspring.

The Michigan researchers chose to pursue predictions based instead on Pleasure Theory, which asserts that pleasure is the primary motivation for sexual activity, and reproductive success is a byproduct of pleasure seeking.  This may sound counter-intuitive at first.  After all, you’ve got to reproduce before you can develop pleasure seeking mechanisms in offspring, right?  Actually, no.  Pain and pleasure are the most ancient motivators for animals.  Long before the brain developed enough to form social groups, it was capable of interpreting pain and pleasure, avoiding the former and seeking the latter.  So it’s actually backwards to suppose that pleasure would be secondary to reproductive success in more complex animals.

(For a more direct illustration that it’s about pleasure first, ask yourself this:  In your life, how many times have you had sex when the primary thought in your brain was “Oh boy!  This is going to make a baby”?  By comparison, how many times have you had sex and thought, “Oh boy!  This is going to feel great”?)

Based on Pleasure Theory, the Michigan researchers replicated the “cold approach” of the earlier study with the addition of a battery of controls for perceptions of risk and reward for both sexes.  For both women and men, the proposer’s perceived warmth, sexual skill, potential danger, risk of STD transmission, and other factors were compared and factored into the analysis.

The short answer:  When women believe they’ll get more reward than risk, they’re equally as likely to engage in casual sex as men.

The bad news for men:  The playing field is not equal.

The fact is, when a woman turns a man down for casual sex, she’s sending a message loudly and clearly:  “I don’t believe you could give me enough pleasure to make it worth my time or the risks I’d have to take.”  It’s not about prudishness, and it’s not about women saving themselves for long term wedded bliss.  It’s about women’s pervasive belief that men aren’t going to get the job done on a one-nighter.  “Across studies involving both actual and hypothetical sexual encounters, the only consistently significant predictor of acceptance of the sexual proposal, both for women and for men, was the perception that the proposer is sexually capable (i.e., would be “good in bed”).”

It gets more depressing for men.  There’s good evidence that women are right.  According to a soon to be released study by sociologist Elizabeth Armstrong, women only orgasm 35% as often as men in first time encounters.

So it really boils down to this:  When a woman propositions a man for casual sex, he hears:  “Would you like to come home with me and be sexually satisfied, and then go home happy?”  When a man propositions a woman, she hears:  “Would you like to come home with me, get me off, then go home unfulfilled?”

The results of this study are much more consistent with recent findings than the 1989 study.  Although the functional implications may not be helpful to many men, the broad social implications are far reaching and potentially revolutionary.  As more and more evidence piles up, it appears that the traditional narrative of women as less sexually motivated than men is just dead wrong.  The difficult questions — the really difficult questions — have yet to be answered.  Is the pervasive sexual double standard representative of a healthy mating strategy, or is it a patriarchal suppression of women’s pleasure seeking?  It will be interesting to see where this new research leads…


References: Conley T. Perceived proposer personality characteristics and gender differences in acceptance of casual sex offers. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology [serial online]. December 2010

Hatfield, E. Gender differences in receptivity to sexual offers.  Journal of Personality and Social Psychology. Vol II 1989


12 thoughts on “Women Really Do Like Casual Sex

  1. that the traditional narrative of women as less sexually motivated than men is just dead wrong.

    People seriously thought that? The majority of women especially in the media are complete whores. Alcohol and Ke$ha songs amplify this.

    The fact that many women go out and blow guys isn’t exactly revolutionary.

    I guess the researchers just play too much WoW.

    Posted by cptpineapple | July 11, 2011, 8:10 pm
  2. Of course women like casual sex! Unfortunately it’s hardwired into female DNA to not sleep around. But women love sex just as much as men!

    Posted by Mark | July 15, 2011, 12:53 am
  3. Men are hunters. They instinctively try to understand the situation as soon as possible and then set their mind on the goal. Women are gatherers. They instinctively follow the plan as set trying to get as much out of each step as they can.
    Shopping. Men buy while women browse. Talking. Men tell stories while women explain them. Hunting. Men hunt while women gather here and there.

    Posted by Humanunkind | July 19, 2011, 12:26 pm
  4. I totally agree with this article and am sooo very happy to hear that scientific research has proven this theory to be true.

    Fact is, I do believe women (myself included) enjoy sex. When it comes to casual sex, the difference between men and women is that men are almost always guaranteed an orgasm where we are almost always guaranteed disappointment. Knowing this stops us from asking men for one nighters or ongoing f-buddy situations. Sex just seems better with someone you have an emotional connection with…someone you trust.

    For example, I recently ended a relationship. I’m open to having a great relationship with a great guy…if I meet one. In the meantime, I wouldn’t mind have an ongoing sexual partner for safe fun – an FWB would be very nice. However, the mere thought of wasting my time and energy looking for a guy to have great sex with turns me off each time I think about it. Honestly, there have been times where after a guy (boyfriend or not) I’ve slept with leaves, I’ve had to “take care” of myself as soon as he’s out the door. That depressing fact leaves me wanting to just stick with my vibrator.

    Posted by Yvie | July 25, 2011, 9:02 pm
  5. Thanks for the comment, Yvie. Your story is so much like a lot of other women’s! It seems like the myth of female disinterest in sex is becoming a dinosaur. And good riddance.

    Posted by Living Life Without a Net | July 26, 2011, 12:05 pm
  6. YVIE, I would rather take the Taylor Swift approach to relationships

    Posted by Alison | July 26, 2011, 8:49 pm
  7. You call this science?

    When women cruse the streets picking up male prostates and pay them hard earned money for sex then you can say they like casual sex.

    When women spend billions of dollars on porn and strippers then you can say they like casual sex.

    When a man can post an M4W add on craigslist for casual sex and get 200 responses like women do instead of a bunch of spam then you can say women like casual sex.

    The real question is when will feminists stop trying to fit a square peg in a round hole?

    Posted by furanku | July 28, 2011, 7:54 pm
  8. Furanku, yeah, I’m not sure about the male prositutes, but the porn and strippers match up.

    I have my issues with certain feminist’s views, but the question that hasn’t been asked, or even bothered to be looked at for answers, is should women want casual sex, and should our society be so filled with sexuality?

    Posted by Alison | July 30, 2011, 10:04 pm
  9. LoL at FURANKU. We don’t need to pay for sex, we can walk outside and get it. Also, I agree with Alison. Why exactly is sleeping with a string of people you don’t know a good thing again? For either gender?! Men are not hard wired to do anything– they are people with free will, not robots. If men were meant to be promiscuous, Adam would’ve had Eve + her mother and three sisters.

    Posted by Toy | August 9, 2011, 10:02 am
  10. Women know they can get sex if they want it — the study above showed that 75% of men accepted a proposal for sex. The other 25% were probably happily married, caught off guard, suspicious, or gay.

    This potential satisfaction factor is BS. Certainly, there are some “slam, bam” guys around, but most guys take pride in their sexual skills, and will go out of their way to impress a woman on their first encounter, whereas most women seem a lot more reserved in making an effort.

    The truth is that men are easy, and therefore women have the selection advantage. Not only that, but most women will only sleep with someone who is a potential mate. It has nothing to do with assessment of sexual satisfaction potential, and everything to do with relationship potential.

    Posted by Derek | November 8, 2011, 8:44 pm
  11. I think we should spare a thought for those 36 guys who thought they were getting sex only to find out it was a damn academic study.

    Posted by The dude | November 22, 2011, 3:42 am
  12. Women do like casual sex but more men are up for it. As the article states pleasure is the primary motivation for sexual activity. Women not only like the pleasure but also like the excitement and potential danger involved. For example getting caught by a boyfriend. I think when certain women combine these things together they risk/reward scenario is increased and the women has a better chance of being fulfilled.

    Posted by Cat | March 13, 2013, 4:39 pm

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

Follow Me On Twitter!

%d bloggers like this: